The "Nice Girl" Spell: How the Beliefs That Once Kept You Safe Are Keeping You Stressed

As an Integrative NeuroSomatic Practitioner, I spend my days helping women untangle the unconscious threads that dictate their lives. But for years, I was weaving my own tangled web - a perfect example of how the past silently governs the present.

The stories we carry are fascinatingly contradictory. For me, the internal script was forged by two core lessons. First, the vital need to be the "nice girl," pleasing every person I met, from parents to teachers to other family members. Second, the heavy knowledge, often learned from my father, that life is hard and earning a living is a painful struggle.

These beliefs, in the context of childhood, were crucial survival tools. Being agreeable ensured safety and acceptance; valuing hard work was a way to navigate a challenging world. It was a strategy for security, and it worked - to a great extent.

The Invisible Script Running on Autopilot

The true crisis began in my 30s when I realized I was still running these two scripts on a continuous loop, long after the immediate need for survival had passed.

I found myself tirelessly trying to please my husband, over-delivering for my boss, and working to the point of exhaustion - all to prove that I was worthy of receiving love, appreciation, and financial security.

Here is the interesting, painful truth: the love and appreciation I craved never arrived through people-pleasing or overworking. Instead, what I consistently received was burnout, exhaustion, and chronic stress. I was spiraling down into depression without even recognizing it, because I mistook the exhaustion of validation-seeking for the necessary effort of "doing life right."

Can you relate to this?

How many of us are running a story like this in our minds? The "good son," the "reliable fixer," the "silent martyr"- these scripts, born decades ago, are silently creating a painful and diminished life today. We are unknowingly stressing our adult lives trying to fulfill a contract written by a child.

The Invitation to Internal Freedom

The good news is that we don’t have to live this way. As an Integrative NeuroSomatic Practitioner, I invite you to step off the autopilot and embrace a practical journey to identify and dismantle your internal patterns and beliefs.

The key lies in acknowledging the difference between your conscious, rational mind and your vast, powerful unconscious mind. The unconscious holds the emotional records of your past; it's where the stories of the "nice girl" and the "struggle" reside, and until we address them there, we will continue to project them onto our present.

Reparenting: A Safe Space for Healing

The most profound shift we can make is to Reparent Our Inner Child. This means creating a loving, compassionate presence within ourselves to hear the stories held in our unconscious mind. We need to become the parent we needed then, offering:

• Unconditional Acceptance: Acknowledging the original fear or pain without judgment.

• Safety and Guidance: Guiding the Inner Child through the healing journey, assuring it that its adult self is now safe and in charge.

This process allows the intense emotions stored with those childhood events to finally soften and integrate. It releases the emotional burden that has kept you stressed and stuck.

Forgiveness: The Greatest Change Agent

Finally, we must incorporate forgiveness into the healing process. Forgiveness is not about condoning the past actions of others; it is a gift of self-liberation. It is the conscious decision to drop the energetic anchor of resentment and pain that is chaining you to the past.

Forgiveness is the greatest change agent available to us because it instantly shifts the emotional intensity of the past, allowing you to create a future defined by choice, not compulsion.

It’s time to stop letting a childhood script write your adult life. Let’s start the journey toward freedom, self-love, and the genuine joy you deserve.